As Christmas time nears and we contemplate what to do for our first Christmas with Violet, I've been thinking more and more about where I consider "home". Yes, it's where the heart is; yes, it's also where I hang my hat. But one of the questions often asked of where I'll be while Scott is in Thule is, "Oh, Colorado, is that home?" and the much longer response is far too involved to give to the casual conversationalist.
To me, home has to be 129 Wyckoff Ave, though it no longer exists. I lived 6 years in Japan, another 6 years in Fort Lee, but Wyckoff was where we spent the most time growing up and making the friends I still hold dear today. We survived Hurricane Floyd, the Blizzards of '96 and spent a total of 15 years celebrating all kinds of milestones together. Since my parents sold the place in 2005, I've known that I'll never be able to go "home" again. Especially now since the new owner tore the whole damn place down to make another monstrosity of a house that will hopefully be someone's new place to make memories.
I'm sad that I'll never be able to bring Violet to my old home to show her where I threw the stapler to make the dent in the laundry room door, or the fireplace my siblings and I huddled around to have our Dad teach us how to play poker with Lite Brite pieces on a snowy Sunday, or the cozy kitchen our family spent good quality time together. I know I'm waxing nostalgic, but I think that's what usually happens around the holidays.
And now as a grown-up with my own family, I've been preoccupied with ideas of how to make a home for Lady Violet. Within her first 5 years of life, she will already have 2 different houses in Mountain Home, a place in Pagosa Springs and at least one other home in Japan under her belt. And being that Scott has another 9 years before he can retire from the Air Force, more moves will most definitely be in our future. Violet won't really have a building she can point to and call "home", but I will do everything I possibly can to give her a home-feeling wherever she goes.
Because of all of the moving I've done in my life thus far, I remember thinking I just wanted to find a home and live in it for as long as I had children to raise. But I now realize that not only is that not really a feasible childhood dream to accomplish, I should and will continue to count my EVERY blessing that I have a family that can make me feel at home wherever we go or however many times I have to pack boxes.
2 comments:
Home to me is still 108 Elmwood Place. However, knowing that we might not be moving from this place as soon as I'd originally thought, I'm letting myself enjoy where I'm at now as "home". It feels good. You'll know it too, even if you move.
I miss that beautiful house. I remember when I drove by it after they tore it down and I just thought, ugh! There is no way they can build something more unique or special. I always remember that crazy cat tree y'all had and wish I had the space for one like that for my Alley boy.
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