The me too hashtag. It's popping up all over to signify that you don't have to feel alone. And then, almost as many people who have seen it or maybe even say it are then perplexed. Why? Because they don't understand why saying it if it is so commonplace.
The hashtag was not meant ONLY for harassment, which I will agree is commonplace.
-Hey girl, why don't you smile, you'll be prettier.
-Shake that ass
-What? Why can't a guy just be friendly?
-Why can't you take a compliment?
Lewd gestures. Groping hands. Brushing touches. Staring, roaming eyes. None wanted.
yes. That is common. I also don't know a female who hasn't had to deal with it, ignore it, walk past it.
But, how bad does it have to get for the confusion to be gone?
If a person were to say, "Yes, I was raped", would that fine to speak up about?
or, I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child? or, I had my clothes ripped off, but he never got a chance to insert anything?
No, I was never raped.
No, I was never molested when I was younger.
No, I never was coerced to performing any sex act I did not want to.
But I did have to hide. I walked home alone from the corner bar to my house and an idiot in his SUV tried two slick lines and was upset I didn't return his attention with a smile. So he followed me. Down the street, turned onto the dead end street I lived on and followed me. I was able to slip into the shadows and waited until I knew his car was gone.
Was I raped? No.
Was I ever violated? No.
I think.
But I did have one night when I was out to a ball game with someone I had considered a friend and after the game was over, I wen to his place to sober up. I honestly can't remember what had happened while we were there, but I do vaguely remember something about his offering a backrub, but my only solid memory was that I had to relatch my bra and put my shirt on.
Or, another instance of finding out on the morning following a big farewell party that a friend saw me making out with someone I would never consider having any physical relationship with and then finding out that the male in question was sober enough to know how absolutely trashed I was, but decided to make a move anyway. And the odd betrayal I felt when I understood that my friend made no attempt whatsoever to make sure that I was ok with a strange choice.
Were those two stories something I hold myself accountable for? Yes. Does it scare me? Yes, anytime I think how horribly wrong either situation could have gone.
No, my story is not one of rape or child molestation. No, it is not a story of stupid comments from a caveman. It's somewhere in between and somewhat harder to explain and even possibly harder to defend why I contributed to #metoo.
Wave it off and say your 'Thank God"'s that it's not worse.
But I'm still not 100% ok with what it has done to me for the long run.
