Picture book, Of people with each other, To prove they love each other...

12 days. After five months apart, we had only 12 days to be with each other as a family. I purposely left most of the days unplanned so that Scott and I didn't have to feel like we were racing from one thing to the next, but of course, it still felt like some tight programming and not enough relaxing was done. But this is what we did get to do:

Scott's arrival
Scott came in at about 10:30pm, Friday the 6th, and we just wanted to go home and sleep. Violet was already done for the night, so we knew that he wouldn't be able to see her much beyond just peering at her through the baby monitor. The next morning, Violet took maybe a minute to register that her Daddy was no longer in the computer box or the iPhone box or the disembodied voice in the phone and then the two of them just melted into a heart-breaking hug.

Daddy hugs

Several days in the Denver area

There were several things that Scott and I needed to take care of in preparation for the Wedding Celebration/We're Leaving for Japan party for next March. One was a cake tasting, where my parents and Violet joined to try out some yummy desserts and we also did a separate night of taste testing for the venue that we'll be using. 

In the middle of these taste tests was time for Scott and me to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. I had made arrangements to use the Denver Bike Bar (if you feel so inclined, read the FAQ page. It's funny) as a bar hopping helper. Since it was just the two of us in our "party", we were added onto another group, which was supposed to be a lot larger than it turned out to be. We found out that some of the people who were supposed to show were preoccupied with the fact that another in the party ended up in the ICU the previous evening. Scott and I never found out how she ended up in the hospital.So, even with just the 7 of us peddling, we still had a good time listening to the Reel Big Fish Pandora station on the 'bar's' speakers. We only got to ride to the Breckenridge Brewery and River North Brewery, but it was still a good time. Plus, I knew that with the "Explore Denver" package I got along with our hotel stay in Denver, we would be visiting more bars. Mitch and Marsha ended up joining us that evening and it was nice to catch up with them.

The Bike Bar

Breckenridge Brewery

Pagosa time
We did make it 'home' for 5 days so that Scott and I could not only relax in our house, but so that we could have Heather's good friend take our family portraits. It turned out soo great!! I know I've already posted some of the pictures on Facebook, but there were others and I'm already trying to figure out a great display of the pictures in our living room without being too showy. I took him to some spots around town, some good places to eat and mainly just sat on the couch and took a much needed breather together. We also got to celebrate Heather's birthday right before we had to skip town again for a couple days before Scott's departure out of Denver International Airport.

Back to Denver to finish things out
Scott and I did get to catch a Rockies game (vs Pittsburgh Pirates) and had fun walking around, grabbing some beers, watching most of the game before going on to a bar nearby to get out of the rain and we ended up waiting out a rain delay to watch a game that remained pretty tight on through the 9th inning. We also got to catch "Spiderman" (and "The Avengers" the week before.)

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So, that was 12 days. There were other errands we got to finish, like get Violet and Scott their passports, but it was really just a small, tiny taste of being a family again. The next time this will happen won't be until November for Thanksgiving, which I can already tell will take more planning and running around, this time in different states.

Here are more pics, for those who want more.

You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail

I know this is going to be a weak post with written information. But, I will compensate (or at least try to to) with pictures and video. Here's hoping I get more time.... someday....

They say it's your birthday, We're gonna have a good time

It's been a year. A whole year. A year since Scott and I took our middle-of-the-night trip to the base hospital to get the Violet party started. It didn't actually start until the late afternoon on the 11th, but, eh, details =)

And to try to summarize the year would be nearly impossible. But I can tell you:

• Violet got to travel. A lot. More than I thought a little infant could. Approximately 21,083 miles. And in all of the traveling, there were only 3 flights, two of which were to Waco, KY to visit the in-laws
• She's already been to a wedding
• She has charmed every TSA agent and flight attendant she's ever met
• She's on her 3rd house in two different states
• She likes remotes and phones, and she loves music and I think she's starting to dance
• She LOVES this green blanket my Mom made for her and it seems to be her Linus blanket
• She's great at snagging glasses and already knows how to lay a well-placed back hand slap
• She waves to the world whenever she wakes up and loves to stick out her tongue whenever possible

There is so much more, but that's what I've got off the top of my head and I felt like I needed to jot down something to mark the little girl's first birthday. And tomorrow, we'll have my sister's girls over for cupcakes, Disney sing-a-longs and then a sleepover (mostly because my sister and her husband are going to a Valentine party).

Needless to say, Violet not only owned, but flourished during her first year on this planet. She's utterly amazing.

Christmas Eve will find me, Where the lovelight gleams, I'll be home for Christmas, If only in my dreams

 

As Christmas time nears and we contemplate what to do for our first Christmas with Violet, I've been thinking more and more about where I consider "home". Yes, it's where the heart is; yes, it's also where I hang my hat. But one of the questions often asked of where I'll be while Scott is in Thule is, "Oh, Colorado, is that home?" and the much longer response is far too involved to give to the casual conversationalist.

To me, home has to be 129 Wyckoff Ave, though it no longer exists. I lived 6 years in Japan, another 6 years in Fort Lee, but Wyckoff was where we spent the most time growing up and making the friends I still hold dear today. We survived Hurricane Floyd, the Blizzards of '96 and spent a total of 15 years celebrating all kinds of milestones together. Since my parents sold the place in 2005, I've known that I'll never be able to go "home" again. Especially now since the new owner tore the whole damn place down to make another monstrosity of a house that will hopefully be someone's new place to make memories.

I'm sad that I'll never be able to bring Violet to my old home to show her where I threw the stapler to make the dent in the laundry room door, or the fireplace my siblings and I huddled around to have our Dad teach us how to play poker with Lite Brite pieces on a snowy Sunday, or the cozy kitchen our family spent good quality time together. I know I'm waxing nostalgic, but I think that's what usually happens around the holidays.

And now as a grown-up with my own family, I've been preoccupied with ideas of how to make a home for Lady Violet. Within her first 5 years of life, she will already have 2 different houses in Mountain Home, a place in Pagosa Springs and at least one other home in Japan under her belt. And being that Scott has another 9 years before he can retire from the Air Force, more moves will most definitely be in our future. Violet won't really have a building she can point to and call "home", but I will do everything I possibly can to give her a home-feeling wherever she goes.

Because of all of the moving I've done in my life thus far, I remember thinking I just wanted to find a home and live in it for as long as I had children to raise. But I now realize that not only is that not really a feasible childhood dream to accomplish, I should and will continue to count my EVERY blessing that I have a family that can make me feel at home wherever we go or however many times I have to pack boxes.

I could have saved so much time for us, Had I seen the way to get to where I am today

I have been very negligent about keeping this blog current, though I have thought of a great deal of many things to write about in the last several weeks. Being that I don't want this to be solely dedicated to my pregnancy, I think it's high time to rewind a bit and tell the story of how I met my husband.

Our story isn't a short one to tell. And it's because of my doing - mostly. You know when people (and I have said this myself on occasion) say, "If only I could talk to a younger version of myself, things would have worked out smoother."? Well, when my life's path really started looking clearer, this is what I used to believe. Until I really thought about and knew that would be too much of a gimmie.

Scott and I have known each other pretty much since I graduated high school. He's four years older and went to the sister high school, so it was actually through mutual friends and our shared interest in stage work for the local theater group that brought us in the same circles. We would end up at the same gatherings, laugh over the same silly jokes and generally have a good time whenever around each other.

It wasn't until after he decided to join the Air Force when anything started coming to light. When he finished basic training, he made several calls to friends just to catch us up on how the experience had been going for him and I remember his phone call and the fact that we spoke for nearly 2 hours. His first base assignment was in Germany so we didn't see him for a long stretch of time. One of the first times he came back, we were having a huge party and after several different drinking games (and some help from the Captain), I found out that there had been a crush brewing. I was flattered, however I was in another relationship at the time and that was all that could be done at the time. This was 8 years ago.

Time passed and Germany changed to a hotter, sandier place in the Middle East. While he was stationed there, he and I emailed each other, mostly because both of us were so bored. Since the usual format of sharing what happened in our day to day was not really worth writing about, I started a format of asking a question concerning anything of his life and then waiting to hear the answer with a question from him at the end of his email. This exchange lasted through his time in the Middle East and his return to Germany. We covered many different subjects and really got to know each other. This lasted a better part of two years.

By the time 2004 rolled around, I was single and we decided it was time to try dating. Our dating consisted of a lot of phone dates, emailing, a couple of weddings and precious little time spent in the same time zone, but I remember having a wonderful courtship. Sadly, this came to an end when his assignment changed from North Dakota to Idaho, because I took that as a sign that timing wasn't on our side. This brings us to early 2006.

Even while we were no longer together, we kept a friendship and would see each other at several different weddings. I was dating a different guy, but all the while I knew in the back of my mind that Scott would always be special to me.

But it wasn't until early summer of 2009 that I realized that he was more than just a special past relationship. He was THE relationship. It took a little while longer, a break-up and a loss of a job in Tennessee for me to finally be free to have my long awaited chance with Scott, who had been patiently waiting for me all along.

It took us this long to finally have the relationship we were always meant to have. And even though we've experienced uneven pacing, neither one of us could be happier about where we are now. Finally together, expecting a baby daughter and incredibly, unbelievably happy.

Reverse order: something that's been weighing on me today

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

She traveled this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
Mom stares out the window and says, "I'm leaving my girl"
She said, "It didn't seem like that long ago"
When she stood there and let her own folks know
She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

I'll trip, fall, pick myself up and Walk unafraid

In honor of my year anniversary of moving to Tennessee, let's review what's happened:

-I have been at my full time job at BCTI for 6 months and continue to keep my part time job at Bath and Body Works
-I'm slowly, ever so slowly, making friends and starting to have a bit of a social life
-Of my friends, there have been 4 couples who have become engaged, 3 who have married, 2 babies born and one old friend who has passed away
-I am in the process of finding my own place to live.

After giving it more than just the college try, Max and I have come to the conclusion that we will not continue our relationship. It's taken the couple months since the final decision to come to a point of being able to talk freely about it, and to even consider picking up my still packed boxes to my very own place.

There was no catastrophic event that broke us up, so there's no lasting anger. It's not how I would have thought things would go and but there's no hate. And after three years of a relationship, there is still the detanglement that needs to happen. I have some really fantastic friends who has been helping me limp along and I'm still slipping on the basket case clothes from time to time, but everyone, including Max, has helped in their own way. And I love all of them dearly for it.

And now I'm looking at a different benchmark. Even while incredibly nervous of the unknown, I know that I was lead here for the purpose of finding out what I've been about for the past 31 years. While living in the same area and having friends since middle and high school is great, sometimes it just doesn't help you figure out the 'you' of the younger years and the 'you' of the adult years. Now that I'm basically starting from zero with no one here in my day to day who knew the 'me' from before, I get to really figure out what I'm made of. I've never lived alone, so that in itself will be a new challenge.

I am hoping to chronicle what I find out, but I've never been great about documentation and I find that most things should be in the 'duh' category and feel embarrassed about broadcasting. But who knows? Maybe it'll be as cathartic as I hear it's supposed to be.