Hello, How are you, Won't you tell me your name

When asked about how I was as a baby, my Mother likes to tell one story in particular over and over. She was living with my Dad and her little baby in Japan where she got to be friendly but was mostly quiet and didn't talk to many people while walking down the street. But she would notice people giving big smiles and would wave and she was confused for only a moment until she figured out the baby she was carrying was waving and smiling enthusiastically to EVERYone in her eye line. That was me: friendly, cheerful and emphatic.

That continued to be me until my preteen/teen years beat my emotional growth up. I still was able to make friends, but I let myself get too shy, too reserved. My bravery to approach people and have the notion that the good ones will become friends with me was muted. And for years, I let that shyness take over and limited my involvement and weakened my comfort level with people,

Then, I became a mother. And within the early stages of motherhood, I spent some serious time reflecting on what I can do to help the emotional growth of my daughter. I knew that I had to protect and cultivate her confidence level, for that is the best weapon against bullies and peer pressure.

Just recently, my Momma-Bear rage nearly got away from me when I witnessed a girl 2-3 years older than Violet try to openly exclude her because she decided she ONLY wanted to play with their mutual friend and not had to have the 'baby' play with them. I know that is how kids are, but her openly hostile bossiness gave me the instant fight-or-flight rush that made me want to immediately grab the brat by her shoulders and have a talk (ok, "shout" is more appropriate) with her about how to play nicely, especially with kids younger than her. But, I saw no reaction in Violet's face. Thankfully, she was blissfully unaware of what was being said, so I acted quickly, scooped Violet and her things up and whisked her downstairs to Scott so that she never knew of her "mean girl" encounter and I could continue with my meeting.

She was fine - she got to play with other girls and had a great time. But I had to spend the rest of the day getting my inner child to calm down. I know I have to get a grip and this won't be the last time, and the day Violet does get her feelings hurt, I have to prepare myself so that I can act like an adult.

Right now, Violet is so friendly and wants to be so engaged in people's lives by wanting to know if they have a family, how many kids, what are their names, where do they live on base, do they have pets ---questions, questions, hundreds of questions to get to know someone. Anyone. EVERYONE. People at the store, People on the phone. People Scott works with. People I volunteer with. Every. Single. Person. And I love it. She not only asks, but she remembers. And she files it away and she continues to broaden her friend-database.

For as long as I can, for as much as I can, I have to protect this. I cannot pass down my insecurities to her (as much as I can help that). I have to do that and somehow come to place where I don't personalize what she goes through. But, as in all things, this is a life in progress.

The one beautiful byproduct of watching my daughter's outgoing personality is that I have slowly rediscovered my own roots. I have taken her lead and have become more who I once was. Friendly, and more importantly, less afraid.

I'm 33 for a moment, Still the (woman), but you see I'm a they, A kid on the way, A family on my mind

Things that have happened since my last birthday:

• (Re) Started my life with Scott
• Went to Vegas to celebrate turning 32
• Lost a job in Tennessee
• Had a last minute surprise for Valentines weekend
• Went to my 10th home opener for the Mets
• Moved to Idaho
• Found out I am pregnant
• Got married in Colorado in front of close family and some friends (and 'celebrated' by going to a Barenaked Ladies concert at the Red Rocks)
• Moved into a very nice house
• Found out we're expecting a girl
• Attended 3 out of the 6 weddings of friends
• Found out 4 other people I know are expecting, one of whom already delivered a healthy baby boy
• Had my first Christmas with my new husband and a 'real' home

 All in all, it's been a blissfully eventful year.